December 2010
1 post
lemonandpearls asked: happy non-denominational joyous holiday season-time!
October 2010
6 posts
Kim Jong-un
This week, Kim Jong-il, North Korea’s self-styled ‘Dear Leader’, held a parade in the country’s capital Pyongyang to celebrate the 65th anniversary of the founding of the ruling North Korean Worker’s Party. He took the opportunity to show off his son, Kim Jong-un, the man widely expected to be the next leader, to the world’s media.
I think he’s got that...
I am going to London on Saturday for an open day...
3 tags
Apple Store
This weekend I went to the Apple Store which, for me, is almost as exciting as going to a free strip bar that encourages touching and groping. While there, I opened up Photo Booth (an application that lets you take pictures through the webcam) to leave my mark on one of the sexy iMacs, only to find someone else had gotten there before me by snapping an Andy Warhol-style Pop Art picture of their...
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There's one thing all males of every species have...
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80s video dating montage.
Honestly, the most hilarious video I’ve seen for ages. It’s a montage of dating agency tapes from the 1980s where a bunch of funny-haired and often mustachioed losers try to sell themselves to desperate women through the medium of video.
Highlights include a quite clearly gay fashion designer, Fred the bespectacled Viking virgin and Monroe the Cleveland Browns fan with his...
September 2010
21 posts
I have no problem with dangerously ugly people,...
I’ve just witnessed a girl who looks startlingly like a cross-eyed pig in drag, make one of those wistful, not-really-aimed-at-anyone statuses about how she’s too good for pretty much every man on Earth. I’m half-tempted to shatter her delusions of attractiveness by telling her that it’s been scientifically proven that 100% of men would rather stick their penises into a...
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Monkey guards brought in to protect athletes in...
Fans of monkey news have been sorely underserved by the media in recent months, what with all the so-called “serious stories” hogging the airwaves and column inches, but that all changed today when I read on the Telegraph’s website that monkeys have been drafted in to guard the athletes’ village at the 2010 Commonwealth Games in Delhi from rogue animals.
Some people...
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QWOP needs your help!
QWOP is a South African athlete whose low IQ technically qualifies him as a retard. Despite this, he has been allowed to race in the Olympics but he needs YOUR help. Because he’s retarded, you’re going to have to make his legs work and make him run. If you only play one physics-based flash game about a retarded runner today, make it this one.
Click here to play QWOP.
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Want to watch dickheads pretend to be The Beatles?
My newest Super Awesome Internet Thing Of The Week is this live webcam of the crossing outside the Abbey Road Studios in London, made famous by the Beatles who featured it on the cover of their 1969 LP Abbey Road.
So now you can watch morons recreate that famous pose whenever you want, much to the annoyance of the local taxi cab drivers. If you’re lucky, you might even see an awesome car...
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Labour leadership election.
Whoever wins today’s Labour leadership contest here in Manchester today has a pretty good chance of being the next Prime Minister, so in no particular order, here are my profiles of the candidates…
Andy Burnham (AKA the boring Northern one).
There’s really not much to say about Andy Burnham other than the fact that he was the Health Secretary in the last government, the...
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“I was a corn packer. I know that term is offensive to some people, because corn...”
– Stephen Colbert to Republican congressman Steve King, on working as a migrant corn-picker for a day.
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Home secretary: Threat from Irish terrorism...
MI5 have today announced that the threat of a terror attack being carried out by Irish terrorists in mainland Britain is “substantial.”
Everybody seems to be pretty concerned about the raising of the terror threat level, especially given that recent attempts at attacks in Northern Ireland have grown more sophisticated, but I really don’t think there’s much reason to worry...
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WatchIt’s normal that I find this absolutely hilarious, right?
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Happy Wheels.
Just play it. Video coming up.
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Old time sex.
I was looking up sex on Wikipedia (don’t ask) and I came across some very old depictions of sex.
The image above is from a painting done in India in the 18th Century. Now, is it just me or are they having full-on yoga sex? There again, looking at the pipes and leaves and the hazy look in their eyes, they’ve probably been smoking pot. Did they have pot in 18th Century India? Hmm,...
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Bath time.
I’m going to have a bath now. I don’t know why people consider baths so girly when you’re basically sitting in a tub of boiling-hot water, stewing in your own sweat, dirt and dick cheese.
Also, I just searched “having a bath” on Google Images to get a nice picture to accompany this post and I got bombarded with baby penises. So, that’s something you...
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Indulging my Apple fetish.
I just ordered an iPhone 4 and jizzed really hard in my pants. Then, after putting on another pair of pants, I got an email from T-Mobile telling me they’re also sending me a free case, so I jizzed in that pair of pants. Moral of this story being: Order iPhones naked and with plenty of tissue paper at hand.
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Pope assassination plot foiled.
As if the Pope wasn’t already having a rough time during his visit to the UK (having to endure Prince Phillip’s racism, going to Britain’s capital of drugs and depression Glasgow and having to watch Susan Boyle’s disgusting face fart out a song), six cleaners have tried to assassinate him. Yeah.
But at least the Pope’s visit hasn’t be all bad so far - it looks...
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What's all the fuss about Mountain Dew?
As you can imagine, after hearing stories about Mountain Dew (the radioactive-looking drink that apparently makes hillbilly’s teeth fall out) being the most orgasmically delicious drink in the history of the world, I was pretty excited to see that my local shop had started stocking it. In a frenzy of excitement, I bought three bottles, leading the guy behind the counter to give me a...
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Fuck you, Bush.
“Fuck you, Bush
It’s time to get out of Iraq, Bush
What were you even doing there in the first place, Bush
You didn’t even get properly elected, Bush
Are you happy now, Bush?
Fuck you, Bush.”
youveescaped-deactivated2011020 asked: No, I would not. I don't make money from my blog but I make money for when I freelance. If you create something, it deserves credit. Why should someone lie and get credit for something he or she didn't create? It's not asking a lot to keep the artist's name on something they made.
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I had no idea Hulk Hogan was such a bigot!
I was shocked to hear about Hulk Hogan’s plans to burn two-hundred copies of the Koran in Florida.
Such a shame.
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Little-known fact of the day III.
Sir Mix-a-lot’s anaconda don’t want none unless you got buns, hon.
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Popewatch 2.0
The title of this post would seem a lot cooler if I had titled my first article about the Pope visiting Britain as ‘Popewatch.’ Alas, I didn’t, and this post title is consequently less awesome. But I digress.
Yes, the Pope is coming to visit Britain this month. This would be totally fine if it weren’t for the fact that we’re all paying for it! No, the old ladies...
August 2010
41 posts
catherinedoll asked: i'm going to try again, maybe your ask box is magic ♥U♥╒U♥
wow so i can make capital Us with alt + 3 and weird looking Fs but no clover suit, dammit.
wow so i can make capital Us with alt + 3 and weird looking Fs but no clover suit, dammit.
catherinedoll asked: brit accents are the best so seriously prank me whenever, bby ♣
OMG I MEANT TO MAKE A HEART AND THAT POPPED UP, I DON'T KNOW HOW I DID IT LDJFLAKDJFAK
OMG I MEANT TO MAKE A HEART AND THAT POPPED UP, I DON'T KNOW HOW I DID IT LDJFLAKDJFAK
catherinedoll asked: and i'd also know, because i usually don't have people with strange accents calling me
catherinedoll asked: pranking me is just like pranking yourself. I'M NO FUN, cause I don't get mad. hahaha.
catherinedoll asked: free calls to U.S and Canada and all you can think about is calling an Italian restaurant? WHAT ABOUT CALLING ME?!?!?!?!
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From the bottom of my heart, thank you Google.
I logged onto Google Mail today to be greeted by the surely the sweetest message a budding prank caller can receive: “Free calls to the US and Canada through Google Voice.” I have no idea why they’ve done this, but I’m gonna milk it for all it’s worth! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to call an Italian restaurant in New York City and ask if Mario and...
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Spiderman arrested!
No, you’ve not accidentally stumbled onto the Daily Bugle’s website - Spiderman really has been arrested! Well, OK, a not-quite-so-cool Spiderman who doesn’t have a comic book, a mission to avenge his uncle’s death or a boring day job as a newspaper photographer.
Alain Robert, 48, has made a name for himself by climbing massive buildings, but it seems the Aussies...
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Jealous of Russell Brand.
I’m not normally one to make posts like this, but seriously, how completely and utterly sexy is Katy Perry?
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Fancy watching a dark comedy set in Belgium?
In that case, watch In Bruges on Channel 4 tonight at 10PM, if only to see the strangely hilarious dead midget.
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London.
I’m going down to London today, so if I can avoid being shot, stabbed, raped, infected with Hepatitis C, bitten by a dog, mugged or arrested, I’ll tell you about it later!
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Little-known fact of the day II.
Kurt Cobain’s favourite dental hygiene product is Shotgun Mouthwash.
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Little-known fact of the day.
Lady GaGa likes it rough.
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Hulu in the UK.
Fuck you, big American TV networks, I managed to get Hulu working over here!
Now I just need to perfect a method of injecting my daily dose of Jon Stewart into my body intravenously and I’ll never have to leave the house.
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Breakfast.
I think I’m gonna go fry up some dead pig, cover it in sauce and eat it between two slices of toasted bread.
How the hell do vegetarians stay sane knowing that they’ll never be able to eat this?!
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Samantha Cameron gives birth.
Prime Minister David Cameron’s wife Samantha gave birth to a baby girl in a Cornwall hospital this morning.
Is it bad that the first thing I thought when I read this story was “yay, more Nick Clegg?”
[The Telegraph]
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To all girls.
Please, don’t let us know about period-related stuff on Facebook. Or anywhere at all for that matter. There’s nothing that damages my opinion of a girl more than getting a mental image of her with blood oozing out of her vagina.
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My musical tastes.
After listening to - and singing along to in a rather overenthusiastic manner - Billy Joel’s We Didn’t Start The Fire, I’ve come to the conclusion that my musical tastes are really nothing to shout about.
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Blog recommendations.
I’ve not been on Tumblr for very long, but I seem to have accumulated a decent amount of followers, so I thought I’d share some of my favourite blogs with you all! I’d like to say this will be a regular thing, but judging by the amount of shit blogs I had to wade through to find a few that I actually like, I doubt that will be possible. Anyway, here goes:
...
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Is Obama a Muslim? Pfft.
According to a recent poll, one in five Americans believes that President Barack Obama is a Muslim, something that makes me want to say to our cousins across the Atlantic, “are you fucking serious?!”
That’s right: 20% of Americans think that a man who’s smoked weed in the past, admits to smoking tobacco now, likes pork and been pictured eating lunch during Ramadan, is a...
Want to see a magic trick?
Click the ‘Recommend Me’ link on my home page and an erection will appear in my pants.
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My views on Tumblr so far.
Well, I’ve been on Tumblr for around a month now and I have mixed feelings about it, so I thought I’d do a post about the things I hate and the things I like from what I’ve seen so far.
What I like:
- People who actually take the time to make the stuff that they post, whether it’s a piece of writing, a picture, a video or something else. I love seeing really good things...
catherinedoll asked: hahahha. I'm okay. My writing is a bit -creepy- and dark and grim... I don't know. It hasn't always been like that, but as of recent. I don't want to give tumblr nightmares~